It is the jolly time of the year again. Tra la la la and all that. Jolly sure if you have something amazing to look forward to. But really, admit it, it's the same old dish served out with different side dressings year on year. The fun part seems to be long over, and it seems as if the path ahead could be anything - I can still hope for an amazing turnaround and see a sitcom like ending perfecto, or just accept this reality crap and start to "settle" down - but before the crazies of your mind take this settling to mean the perfect Indian matrimony ending, it does NOT in any way refer to that. I refer here to those fantasies and awesomeness that you imagined your adult life to be when you were a gawky insecure teenager, and which might not exactly be panning out in the exact same manner. Life's a bitch - you are blessed with this overactive imaginative mind who can't help doling out these amazing scenarios to you and unless you were blessed with some guardian angel's hand hovering over your head every second of your existence, the story most likely is that you are settling in with whatever twists and turns that has become your life. Nothing that you thought would exist forever is actually going in tandem with the phrase "ad infinitum" that you stamped them with. The sureties are giving way to maybes, the dynamics of your relationships with different people keep changing with the sudden unexpected developments that have developed a habit of popping out at the least expected of moments. The constant race of life doesn't show any signs of giving up - started way back in school when life was still beautiful on the cusp, and now its become a never ending drama that has all the elements of adult life - not all of which are particularly enjoyable. Sure you have the confidence and the independence and the money, but mostly, its nothing more - the humor and jokes are wasted on blank walls or people around you who don't get you - because the people who did, are not around you; special moments that you waited or planned for have an unfortunate habit of not happening as in a dream, you have the money but you don't have the time for using it in the way you would have wanted, or probably you don't have as much money as you wanted. Maybe as a person you've evolved and reached that stage you always wanted, but maybe its a little late, as now, you don't really care how others perceive you - you're busy and overworked and alone and exhausted and you keep thinking wistfully of the past which seemed so bland at that time- but you don't get the security that maybe this present is also good, because you know, that stage was really good. Maybe it doesn't really get better. How can getting older really be better anyway? You are confided to an opinion set - because suddenly everyone's an adult (I say you're just plain scared of the future now) and you guard your opinions fiercely, and I come back to it, you are alone in a mad mad city (unless of course if you "settled" in to crazy matrimony). As this ranting goes on, a separate cerebral lobe has started to paint another picture "before the storm comes the silentest seas" - I hope so the silence of any development in this crazy work life is a just a brief crazy prelude to how life again would be topsy turvy, unpredictable, and happy again!
(yes its rattled even the most "stick to rules and routines" "no changes please" person like me)
